Find a Pocketful of Happiness in Each Day - the 30 day project

So my bestie Nishi gave me a task sometimes back which in a true lazy bong fashion, I took a gazillion months to get started on.

After years of listening to me whining about how happiness is an elusive subject for me, she wanted me to find one thing that made me happy and one thing I liked about myself on a daily basis for a month. While I met her request with a lot of protests then, lately escaping the current rut has become imperative!

Especially after the trauma of my last dating attempt which ended in manipulation (a post for another day), ghosting and deep mistrust and anger. 

I went through my days of "why me" phase followed by "nothing ever works out for me" and "why do I even try" or "Love doesn't exist". I retreated into a shell, isolated from the outside joy and happiness shrouded in a bubble of darkness and depression, becoming numb by the day.

Funnily enough, the few folks I hung out with (some trips were already preplanned), enjoyed my company, kindness, philosophy and friendship same as before which made me question, does love really not exist or is that I tried pouring my feelings into the wrong cup again, due to no fault of mine. The kayaking trip to Channel Island was a life saver and I felt joy after a long time, chatting away with the pod of dolphins that raced our little ferry. 

Around the same time, I have been coming across these posts on Insta, titled "Glimmer". The path to happiness is a long drawn journey for mere mortals like me and while being happy or feeling joy seems like a challenging task at a large scale, finding these little "Glimmers" and feeling the joy and gratitude seemed attainable and a way to train my brain towards more positive unfamiliar heaven, instead of the familiar hell of negativity and pain.

So here you go....

Sunday started on a lazy and comfortable note. A quick trip to the farmer's market where I bought honey for my beloved couple friend and had the most amazing coconut water, brought forth two positive interactions. 2 weeks back when my card wasn't running, this kind lady at the Shep's Farmer store gave me the walnuts in advance - I was able to pay her back today. The store owner was surprised that I kept my word and I was deeply grateful for her trust on me.

I also came across this retired professor who shares poems and cool science stories that you can share with kids and adults alike and raise money for underprivileged kids. It was such an honor to interact with someone who at this age is still standing strong in his principles. Unfortunately I didn't have any cash on me so wasn't able to donate but promised to find him later and contribute towards the cause in whichever manner possible. It made me feel good that my exposure to manipulation and negatively haven't stripped me off my humanity yet.

Afternoon was strength training and restorative yoga followed by a quick grocery run where I came across these flowers which captured my heart. While the big bunch is now adorning the desk I created years ago, there are some small truant bunches ones which broke off the stem and would have gone waste otherwise. However I collected the lot and adorned my work desk with their burst of sunny silhouette. And it brought such a glimmer of joy in my heart.

What's One thing I liked about me today?

Ans: I discovered I have retained my humanity and ability to care for people, known and unknown, and that I was able to push myself in hip-thrust for 275 lb (new PR).

What's one thing that I am grateful for today?

Ans: A beautiful restorative yoga session that left me calm and centered. And also the amazing Almond pastry I had with my ginger tea.

Let's hope I pay attention and continue seeing these glimmers of joy in my life from now on. Not every day will be great but even in the darkest days, these glimmers of joy will keep bringing me hope and happiness.